How Did I Get Here?

I sit and wonder what has happened over the past year and a half and wonder why did all this happen to me. Since I am starting this blog now, I will start by telling my story. My husband and I decided to start to try to conceive our first child in September of 2003. We both were so excited. This was before the days of me temping, charting my cycle, and driving myself crazy with if I was pg or not. I got pg in December of 2003 with a due date of September 28, 2004. We were so excited and hopeful for the future. We found out we were having a little boy. My husband was extremely excited about this, rubbing it in the face of a friend of his who has two girls. Little did we know how our world was about to change. On Mother's Day 2004, I started to have some cramping (or what I thought was cramping). I had this throughout the day. I went to sleep only to wake up to my water breaking at midnight. I called the doctor and was told to go to the hospital. I was so scared and petrified, as I was only 20 weeks pregnant. The whole way to the hospital I kept saying to myself that everything will be alright, it has to be, when deep down in my heart I knew it was not. By the time I got to the hospital I started to bleed, definitely not a good sign. When they examined me, they said my son's little feet were in the birth canal. The flood gate of tears just started and I could not stop them. I was taken into a birthing room, the special birthing room away from everyone else, the one for mother's like me, who are going to give birth to a baby who will not make it. I had my husband call my mother as I needed her there with me as well. My labor was pushed along with pitocin. On May 10th early in the morning I gave bith to my little boy. My husband was so upset he could only look at him, but could not hold him. I was in the state of shock, it was like I was not even there. I went home the same day to spend the next couple of weeks trying to deal with everything. Not an easy task.

When my husband and I started ttc again we were scared, but still hoping for everything to be alright. Well, I found out a few days after Christmas that I was pregnant again with a due date in September again, but the beginning of September again. Let me tell you this scared the crap out of both of us. I have some spotting early on in my pg, like last time but nothing scary. Everything was going great. I had a ultrasound done by a high risk sonographer who said everything is great with the baby, but that the amniotic fluid was low. Little did we know that would be the least of our problems. We were so happy and were sure that this one would make it. This one was even stubborn and every time we tried to find out the sex she was bashful. We just knew it was a girl. Well, on April 17th, I started having a different type of discharge, thick and mucous like. I was scared because it reminded me of when I lost the mucous plug with the last one. On Monday, I called the doctor and they said to come in. Well, that was when my entire life changed. I will continue this story in my next entry as this has gotten long enough.