Ovulation time is approacing - a time to reflect

Well, it is getting close to my ovulation time and it pains me to know that I am back here again with the whole trying to conceive thing. I just never thought things would happen the way they did. I never thought I would suffer one loss, let alone two. I so totally feel like my body has let me down and let Dave down. I am just among the luck bunch that gets to go through this. I know that sounded sarcastic as it was meant to. I guess I just get so frustrated every now and then with how things have went.

So here I am on CD13 and if everything is normal with my cycles I will be O tomorrow. Dave and I are making no big point to try this cycle, but if I do happen to get pregnant it will be a happy day of my life. Although I will be very scared while I am pregnant, I know that this baby will be a keeper since we know what is wrong this time. I really am hoping for a miracle this month. In the meantime Dave and I have been working on the beach theme room, which will one day be the nursery. Things are going pretty well. I will have to take a picture and post it. Here is to a stressful time with O close by.

Period is Here - To Try or Not to Try

Well, my second period since the stillbirth is here. Now I need to make the decision of whether we try or not this cycle. There is still so much I want to get done before I get pg again, but I also know that it can take me a long time before I get pg. It took me seven months last time. I think that my husband is ready to try again as he said kind of like a joke, well since we will be bd'ing all the time next cycle. I was kind of taken aback by it because I really was not sure where he stood. I guess I am just afraid that something will go wrong again. I know that I will not be able to bear another loss like that. I also know that I will need the help of my mother and husband a lot, as I will not be able to do as much. This is a hudge thing for me as I am so independent and really hate having to rely on other people. I also know that when it is suppose to happen it will, I mean I know that just becuase we stop using protection does not mean I will get pregnant instantly. Heck my cycles still are trying to get back to normal. I guess I will know better in a few days what I will do.