New Blog for my Pregnancy

Go to http://www.sabrinaanddavidhope.blogspot.com for my pregnancy blog. I just wanted to leave this blog as a dedication to my two angels.

I Got a BFP!!!!

I just got my BFP this morning, let me tell you how suprised and excited I am. I am nervous as this pg will be so different than the others, but this time things will be done. I decided to test this morning because last night I decided to use an ovulation test and see if I could use it as a pregnancy test. Well, I used the ovulation test and the test line was just a little darker than the control line, so I figured I was either about to ovulate or was pg. Well, I took two test this morning and both were positive. I took a digital test and it said pregnant. That was great to see. I told my husband once he woke up. He is so happy. I will be nervous throughout this pg, but I will be supper happy as well.

The 2ww

Well, I am officially in the 2ww, 7DPO to be exact. I know that Dave and I were not trying exactly this month, but I really hope I am pg. My question is, why are pg symptoms and af symptoms the same. It really sucks to have both of them be the same. Oh, well. For now I will just deal with the occassional nausea, fatigue and tender boobs and talk myself out of thinking I am pg. It took us seven months after our first loss, so I do not see why I would get pg the first month trying. I can hope and wish though can't I.

Ovulation time is approacing - a time to reflect

Well, it is getting close to my ovulation time and it pains me to know that I am back here again with the whole trying to conceive thing. I just never thought things would happen the way they did. I never thought I would suffer one loss, let alone two. I so totally feel like my body has let me down and let Dave down. I am just among the luck bunch that gets to go through this. I know that sounded sarcastic as it was meant to. I guess I just get so frustrated every now and then with how things have went.

So here I am on CD13 and if everything is normal with my cycles I will be O tomorrow. Dave and I are making no big point to try this cycle, but if I do happen to get pregnant it will be a happy day of my life. Although I will be very scared while I am pregnant, I know that this baby will be a keeper since we know what is wrong this time. I really am hoping for a miracle this month. In the meantime Dave and I have been working on the beach theme room, which will one day be the nursery. Things are going pretty well. I will have to take a picture and post it. Here is to a stressful time with O close by.

Period is Here - To Try or Not to Try

Well, my second period since the stillbirth is here. Now I need to make the decision of whether we try or not this cycle. There is still so much I want to get done before I get pg again, but I also know that it can take me a long time before I get pg. It took me seven months last time. I think that my husband is ready to try again as he said kind of like a joke, well since we will be bd'ing all the time next cycle. I was kind of taken aback by it because I really was not sure where he stood. I guess I am just afraid that something will go wrong again. I know that I will not be able to bear another loss like that. I also know that I will need the help of my mother and husband a lot, as I will not be able to do as much. This is a hudge thing for me as I am so independent and really hate having to rely on other people. I also know that when it is suppose to happen it will, I mean I know that just becuase we stop using protection does not mean I will get pregnant instantly. Heck my cycles still are trying to get back to normal. I guess I will know better in a few days what I will do.

HSG - Everythings OK

Well, I am on CD12 today. If my cycles are back to normal than I should ovulate in a couple of days, Friday to be exact. Dave and I are not trying this cycle, but it seems like such a waste. I know that we both are not ready yet for me to be pregnant as we have too many things to get done that I will not be able to once I am pregnant.

I had my hsg yesterday and the doctor said everything looked fine. That was such a relief to me as I was afraid they would find something wrong. It was such a fiasco at first though. I filled out the paperwork when I got there, then a couple minutes later the lady said they did not fax over the right paperwork. I said my insurance approved it. So she calls a couple people and they all said they were going to fax over the referral. Well, one lady faxed over the same thing they had. Finally, a half hour later someone with a brain finally faxed over the right papers. I would have been so upset if I could not of gotten the test done that day, as I would have had to wait another month and I really did not want to do that. The test itself was not that bad, I will spare you the details. It was kind of neat to watch the dye fill up in my uterus and into my tubes.

On another note, it is sad to realize that I would have been 30 weeks on the date that I had my HSG done. I should be having my baby in 10 weeks. Well, I cannot change that now. I have to just keep holding onto the faith that my next baby will make it.

What I have Learned!!

I have learned several things as a result of my losses. First, I have learned never to take pregnancy or getting pregnant for granted. Before I even started trying to conceive I thought it would be easy to get pregnant and once I was nothing would go wrong. Well, I have been lucky in that it has not been that difficult for me to get pregnant. I feel so bad for women who try for years and have no luck with getting pregnant. It breaks my heart all these women go through to have a baby, while some people who do not even want children can get pregnant just by blowing on them. You know what I mean when I say that, just that they are extremely fertile. I just do not know how that is fair.

Ever since I lost my first baby I have never taken for granted that just because I am pregnant that it will result in a healthy baby after 40 weeks. I probably will never see 40 weeks (due to ptl and cervix issues) with a pregnancy. When I got pregnant with my first baby I never thought I would loose a baby or that anything could go wrong, so when it did I was a shock. For my second pregnancy, I never took for granted any moment that I was pregnant. I was very happy to be pregnant and enjoyed every ache, pain, and sickness that came with pregnancy. Sure I complained a little, as my heartburn was murder, but I did not complain that much. I know that when I got pregnant again I will never complain about anything during my pregnancy, I will never say things like geez I am only 6 weeks or whatever, I will never say I cannot believe I have this many weeks left. Instead I will be saying o.k. I am 20 weeks, 21 weeks, 22 weeks, etc. I will embrace every week that I am pregnant as a gift from god. It is such a miracle to have a baby growing inside of you, a miracle that should always be treasured.

I have also learned that you never know what will happen in life, as you could die the next day or your life could be turned upside down by an event. I learned this when I was on bedrest in the hospital. With this in mind I have started doing things that I keep putting off as there was always tomorrow. Well, there might not be so I figured I should do all these things that I wanted to do now. Not saying that you should go and do anything extravagant, just those little projects such are refinishing a dresser or painting that needs to get done.

I learned that my family is wonderful and I can always count on them. When I was on the strict bedrest in the hospital my mother and husband were always there with me. They would do everything they could for me, even emptying my bedpan. When I came home they still took care of me until I was able to do things for myself. My sister, aunt, and other family members also called me frequently to see how I was doing. If I did not have them I do not know if I would have gotten through everything as well as I did. I treasure every moment I have with them and let them know how much I love them.

I have learned so much more, but I will end this for now. Stay tuned.